Disability – A Word to the Wise

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

My 11-year-old granddaughter was given some coins for a game she won. As she looked at the quarters she realized that one was very different from the others. The face of the quarter depicted George Washington, as usual, yet the back looked unique.

My granddaughter decided to do some research on Coin websites. She discovered that quarters, like the one she had, could be worth as much as $1,000.00. However, the valuable quarter had to have a specific defect which would make it valuable.

My granddaughter’s coin was perfectly shiny but did not have a flaw. Therefore, it was only worth the 25 cents that average quarters are valued. A coin having a specific defect is what makes it so valuable. It had to be imperfectly perfect.

The Illusion of Perfection

In today’s society, perfection appears to be the goal as a mark of achievement or value. Men and women will have all kinds of cosmetic procedures performed in order to have the perfect face and body. Some have died or are disfigured as a result of underqualified, or unqualified surgeons.

Celebrities themselves have admitted that they don’t really look like their professional photos. Makeup, lighting, editing, and filters create the mirage of beautiful, perfect, beings. It is all a façade. If actors and models were so perfect there would be no need for the entertainment industry to use extras like body doubles, and hand models.

The Value of Imperfection

Years ago there was a mold that all models had to fit into. They had to be extremely thin and as perfect looking as possible. Sometime later, women came along who refused to change what seemed to be imperfections so that they could become top models.

Cindy Crawford refused to have her facial mole removed. Margot Hemmingway refused to have the gap in her teeth corrected. Those imperfections are what caused them to stand out in the industry and they became supermodels.

Today, the standards in the entertainment industry have changed because those who do not fit into a “model mold” are the ones sought after. There are prominent celebrities and models who would not have had a chance in the past.

Nowadays models can have vitiligo, facial scars, a missing limb, ambulism and all kinds of physical differences that make them interesting and different. People today want uniqueness, not uniformity.

Who Are you Trying to Please?

So many people are discontented with their physical appearance. If their hair is curly, they want it straight. If their skin color is dark they want to lighten it. If their skin color is light they want to darken it. Some want medical procedures to shrink an area, while others want medical procedures to enlarge something.

I am certainly not attempting to judge how people feel about themselves. My concern is for those who are preoccupied with physical perfection as though it is the gateway to success and happiness.

Plenty of people who look perfect in face and body have turned to illegal drugs or even suicide because they are so unhappy. Their inner self is not in alignment with their outward appearance.

Many people will invest all kinds of money in how they look and what they wear yet are bankrupt in terms of cultivating an inner beauty.

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within,….which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:3–4 (NLT)

Cultivating inner beauty, integrity and character will take a person much further in life than a pretty face with a nasty attitude. “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.” Proverbs 11:22 (NASB)

Embrace being Perfectly Imperfect

“Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;…” God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them;…” Genesis 1:26–28a (NASB)

Everything and everyone God created is perfect because we are created in His image and likeness regardless of any “imperfections” we may see in ourselves or others.

I do not believe that God created anyone “ugly”. As the saying goes: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Standards of beauty are generally determined within ethnicities, cultures, or society; all designed and created by God.

People can reject someone based on their own personal reasons or prejudices, yet no one can stop God’s plan for your life. Embrace who you are because you know whose you are. Do the best you can with what you have to work with. Improve what you can and embrace the rest.

Investing time in developing and maintaining a close relationship with the Lord has earthy benefits and eternal rewards. When you trust God by believing what He says in His word, the Bible, your life will be filled with thanksgiving, praise, and gratitude for the life He has given you, imperfections, and all.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5–6 (NASB)

Question for Reflection: Have you ever considered this?:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NASB)

Believe. Pray. Read the Bible. Trust. Obey

by Cynthia Cummings-Walker

Psalm 127:3 says “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Really? My husband and I had prayed for a normal, healthy baby, yet received one that was defective and sick. I was not merely disappointed with my gift from God; I was absolutely devastated by it.

When Rachel Rebekah was born, after a quick count of her fingers and toes I took a sigh of relief. She was perfect and absolutely gorgeous. This gift from God was in a perfectly wrapped physical package that we were so thankful for. However, within a couple of months I realized that Rachel was not the gift I wanted or had expected.

The Gift Was Damaged

Although her physical growth was typical, her brain was not functioning properly. Rachel was diagnosed with having multiple disabilities. She was blind, hearing impaired, had cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder; was fed through a tube in her stomach; could not walk, talk, sit up, nor even respond to her name. Rachel was labeled “Chronic vegetative”.

People would say things to me like “God gave Rachel to you because you are a special person. Special people have special children.” Or, “God knew you were strong enough to handle it, so He gave Rachel to you.” I didn’t want to be special. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to be like every other mother who loved, nurtured and guided her child through life.

I was angry and depressed yet perfected my façade and nodded in agreement when people basically told me how blessed I was to have been “chosen” for this type of motherhood. It was easy for them to say this to me while they watched their child run around and play, graduate or get married. If I asked them if they would want to be so wonderfully blessed in this way, they would shrink back in horror at the thought of it all.

Regardless of the way my beloved Rachel Rebekah was, I loved her with all my heart and soul. I just couldn’t understand why a loving God would gift us with a precious baby girl who was destined to live incapacitated, medically fragile, unable to communicate, labeled, stared at and rejected. It was heartbreaking to think that Rachel would experience life’s pain, and little of its joys.

Unanswered Prayer Finally Answered

For three solid years I begged and pleaded for God to heal Rachel. It took a while, yet my prayers were finally answered. However, the answer was not what I expected. My gift would not be exchanged for a more desirable one through the physical healing of Rachel. God’s plan was bigger than that, and more awesome than I could ever have imagined.

One day as I was reading my Bible in the Book of John, Chapter 9, verses 1-3, I found answers. “As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

This scripture resonated with me in that I realized just as God had a purpose for the blind man’s life, He had a perfectly designed plan and purpose for my beloved Rachel Rebekah. Her condition was not about anything we had done or not done. It was about what God wanted to do through my precious baby girl’s life.

How could God be glorified through a child who was “Chronic vegetative”? I had no clue. I prayed for guidance and by faith did my part, trusting the Lord to do His.

From Grieving to Glorifying God

My grief and depression over the loss of a healthy, happy life for Rachel, shifted to finding out how the Lord would be glorified through her life. I stopped focusing on what was lost and concentrated on glorifying God through what remained. That prompted me to learn all I could about disabilities so that I could effectively advocate for Rachel. In advocating for others as well, my efforts began to be noticed on another level.

Newspaper articles were written about Rachel’s struggles and triumphs over a system that wanted to treat Rachel like a “disability” instead of a person, first. Trying to get them to see Rachel as the gift of God that she was, was like facing the armored Goliath with only a few rocks and a sling.

God’s awesome power was displayed in Rachel’s life by doing the seemingly impossible, allowing her to defeat the giant. Some disability policies and practices were forced to change on a systemic level. This benefitted countless people with disabilities. It was miraculous.

The miracle I wanted did not manifest as a physical or cognitive healing for my precious daughter. The miracle was in the Lord using Rachel to impact the lives of so many people locally, nationally, and internationally just the way she was.

Shortly after this photo was taken our beloved Rachel passed away from viral pneumonia. She was 21 years old.

Rachel’s Legacy Continues

Rachel’s death left me heartbroken, devastated and inconsolable. Yes, Rachel had a lot of suffering in her life. She also had joys that I didn’t think possible. We included her in so many things to normalize her life. She had a good life. When her assignment was over, she went to her heavenly home to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Her work was done. Mine wasn’t.

Rachel’s legacy became one of me founding “Hope After Tragedy” a group for mothers whose child died. Because of all of the things I experienced as a grief-stricken mother, I believed I could comfort other mothers the way I was comforted. The uplifting interaction, encouragement and support amongst the bereaved mothers has been a blessing to me, and many others.

When Rachel’s life began, I didn’t want the “damaged gift” I was given. I wanted her to be perfectly normal. Initially I was blinded by the pain. Once my eyes were opened through reading the Bible and praying, I was able to see that God’s gift of Rachel was pure perfection. She was ordained to be the perfect person to accomplish God’s perfect plan. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

My Blog “Don’t Say That: 5 Do’s and Don’ts When a Child Dies” sheds light on what helps and what hurts the parents of a child who passed away.

Consider this:

If some situation in your life has devastated you, and you think the situation is hopeless, think again. There is life after death, or disaster, in what is left behind. Is there something you can do to repurpose your painful experience into something productive? It’s like the saying: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” You may be surprised with what can be accomplished. I pray that the Lord will guide and strengthen you to accomplish His purpose for your life. God loves you. He really does!

I would really like to know how you repurposed your pain.