Lifeandbibleblog.com
By Cynthia Cummings-Walker
What does it mean to forgive? It is to stop feeling angry, bitter, or resentful toward someone because of an offense.
Forgive is a difficult word, and concept. Some people believe that to forgive means they condone or excuse a person’s actions. Others believe that if they forgive, they leave themselves open for more abuse. Some people say, “I can forgive but I will never forget.” Others say that they will not do either one.
What does it mean to forget? “To lose the remembrance of; be unable to think or recall; to disregard intentionally.”
Why Should I Forgive?
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14 (NLT). We all sin. Forgiving others is the gateway to receiving forgiveness for ourselves.
Forgiving does not mean condoning. Forgiving others is what God requires for our own good. If we remain angry and bitter, it would be like drinking poison and waiting for the offender to drop dead. Forgiving is not only obedience to God. It benefits us.
From a natural perspective it has been medically proven that forgiveness is like an internal cleansing. It has been medically proven that the act of forgiveness lowers the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels and sleep; drop in stress hormones; lowers blood pressure; allows for a stronger immune system; reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. Forgiving benefits the forgiver, more than the forgiven.
I’m not saying that it is as easy as 1,2,3. It takes a lot of prayer and hard work to let go of the anger and bitterness associated with a painful past. The Lord never commands us to do anything that is impossible to do. He has made a way for those who will obey.
There are Consequences for Unforgiveness
There is a parable in Matthew 18:23–35 (NASB) that tells the story of a servant who owed the king a large sum of money but couldn’t repay the debt. He pleaded with the king to have mercy and forgive the debt. It was forgiven. That same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a ridiculously small amount of money that he couldn’t repay. The forgiven servant had no mercy and had the fellow servant thrown into prison. The master found out and sent for his servant.
“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32–35 (NLT)
Everyone will reap what they sow. (Galatians 6:7). Sow forgiveness, reap forgiveness. Sow unforgiveness, reap unforgiveness. This is straightforward. The Lord gives no “out” for not forgiving. This is a command.
God Forgets our Sins
God never commands Christians to do anything that is impossible to do. Not only must we forgive, but we also have to forget. God forgives and forgets our wrongdoings.
Jeremiah 31:34 (NASB) God says…. “for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NASB) “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions…, And I will not remember your sins.”
Being willing and able to forgive is based on a person’s character and spiritual maturity. God loves us based on who He is; not on who we are. He forgives us based on His love for us; not because we are so loveable.
You may say, okay, I can forgive but not forget because I am not God. You don’t have to be. God has designed a system in the human brain that helps people do exactly that – the ability to remember or forget anything that enters the mind.
How to Forget – Brain’s Reticular Activating System
In the human brain there is a bundle of neurons near the brain stem that sort massive amounts of information. It acts as a filter for information the brain receives. It detects and lets in information that is important to a person because they spend a lot of time focusing on it. The system dismisses information the brain can do without because we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. Scientifically it is referred to as the Reticular Activating System (RAS).
Have you ever driven home, maybe listening to the radio or talking and before you know it, you’re home? You really didn’t have to think about every stop and turn. The route is so familiar it’s as though the car had driven itself. This is the RAS at work.
People who live near an airport, busy highways or train tracks don’t seem to hear the airplanes, trains or vehicles passing by. As a visitor you hear each one. It’s not important for the resident to hear, so the brain filters out the sounds.
When in a room full of people talking, we don’t distinguish what they are saying. However, if you hear your name, whether they are talking about you or not, it gets your attention. The brain knows that your name is something important to you, so you hear it.
The same way the brain can retain useful information, it eliminates things that a person doesn’t think about regularly. The more you think about something painful from the past, or talk about it, the brain thinks it’s important to you and retains the memories. If you stop thinking and talking about a certain situation the brain will delete it from memory.
The RAS mediates behavior. It does not distinguish good or bad. It just determines what is useful to you and what is not. This is how a person can remember or forget.
Follow Joseph’s Example
Can a person really forget when the offense is connected to trauma? Yes, if they are willing.
Joseph’s life is depicted in Genesis Chapters 37-50 . He experienced a lot of trauma. He was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, falsely accused of attempted assault of Pharoah’s wife and sent to prison. In prison Joseph interpreted a dream for the chief cupbearer who said he would tell Pharaoh that Joseph had interpreted the dream. He didn’t.
Joseph languished in prison for two more years before he was released for interpreting a dream for the Pharoah. Joseph was elevated to a position of authority. Long story short, there was a famine in the land. Joseph’s brothers ended up having to come to Egypt for food. Joseph recognized them and told them who he was, gave them food and invited them to move to Egypt so he could make sure they were okay.
His brothers feared retaliation. Joseph said to them: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20 (NASB)
Joseph could have been angry and bitter over what his brothers did to him, and took revenge. Instead, “he said, “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” Genesis 41:51 (NASB)
Decide to Forgive and Forget
No matter what kind of abuse, betrayal, heartache, or pain you’ve endured, God can use it for good. Joseph went from a pit to the palace. He forgave and forgot. He realized in the end certain things needed to happen in order for him to be the great and powerful man he became.
The Apostle Paul, who wrote half of the New Testament, was consistently beaten, thrown in prison, suffered a lot of pain, betrayal, and rejection from people. The Apostle Paul wrote: ““…dear brothers and sisters,…I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)
God requires people to forgive if we want to be forgiven by Him. No one is perfect and everyone needs forgiveness at some point. Forgiving yourself for anything you may have done, or neglected to do, is also extremely important. Thank God that He has created the RAS system in our brains that will allow us to forget anything we don’t want to remember.
My questions for you are: Is there anyone you need to forgive and forget for the trauma you experienced? Is it that you believe you can’t forgive and forget, or you just refuse to? Pray and trust God. He will give you the wisdom and strength you need to accomplish His purpose for your life. It is not impossible.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON ISSUES OF FORGIVING OR NOT FORGIVING, WHY?
A Word to the Wise 