Thinker 48

It’s Time to Forgive and Forget

Lifeandbibleblog.com

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

What does it mean to forgive? It is to stop feeling angry, bitter, or resentful toward someone because of an offense.

Forgive is a difficult word, and concept. Some people believe that to forgive means they condone or excuse a person’s actions. Others believe that if they forgive, they leave themselves open for more abuse. Some people say, “I can forgive but I will never forget.” Others say that they will not do either one.

What does it mean to forget? “To lose the remembrance of; be unable to think or recall; to disregard intentionally.”

Why Should I Forgive?

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14 (NLT). We all sin. Forgiving others is the gateway to receiving forgiveness for ourselves.

Forgiving does not mean condoning. Forgiving others is what God requires for our own good. If we remain angry and bitter, it would be like drinking poison and waiting for the offender to drop dead. Forgiving is not only obedience to God. It benefits us.

From a natural perspective it has been medically proven that forgiveness is like an internal cleansing. It has been medically proven that the act of forgiveness lowers the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels and sleep; drop in stress hormones; lowers blood pressure; allows for a stronger immune system; reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. Forgiving benefits the forgiver, more than the forgiven.

I’m not saying that it is as easy as 1,2,3. It takes a lot of prayer and hard work to let go of the anger and bitterness associated with a painful past. The Lord never commands us to do anything that is impossible to do. He has made a way for those who will obey.

There are Consequences for Unforgiveness

There is a parable in Matthew 18:23–35 (NASB) that tells the story of a servant who owed the king a large sum of money but couldn’t repay the debt. He pleaded with the king to have mercy and forgive the debt. It was forgiven. That same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a ridiculously small amount of money that he couldn’t repay. The forgiven servant had no mercy and had the fellow servant thrown into prison. The master found out and sent for his servant.

“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32–35 (NLT)

Everyone will reap what they sow. (Galatians 6:7). Sow forgiveness, reap forgiveness. Sow unforgiveness, reap unforgiveness. This is straightforward. The Lord gives no “out” for not forgiving. This is a command.

God Forgets our Sins

God never commands Christians to do anything that is impossible to do. Not only must we forgive, but we also have to forget. God forgives and forgets our wrongdoings.

Jeremiah 31:34 (NASB) God says…. “for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NASB) “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions…, And I will not remember your sins.”

Being willing and able to forgive is based on a person’s character and spiritual maturity. God loves us based on who He is; not on who we are. He forgives us based on His love for us; not because we are so loveable.

You may say, okay, I can forgive but not forget because I am not God. You don’t have to be. God has designed a system in the human brain that helps people do exactly that – the ability to remember or forget anything that enters the mind.

How to Forget – Brain’s Reticular Activating System

In the human brain there is a bundle of neurons near the brain stem that sort massive amounts of information. It acts as a filter for information the brain receives. It detects and lets in information that is important to a person because they spend a lot of time focusing on it. The system dismisses information the brain can do without because we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. Scientifically it is referred to as the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

Have you ever driven home, maybe listening to the radio or talking and before you know it, you’re home? You really didn’t have to think about every stop and turn. The route is so familiar it’s as though the car had driven itself. This is the RAS at work.

People who live near an airport, busy highways or train tracks don’t seem to hear the airplanes, trains or vehicles passing by. As a visitor you hear each one. It’s not important for the resident to hear, so the brain filters out the sounds.

When in a room full of people talking, we don’t distinguish what they are saying. However, if you hear your name, whether they are talking about you or not, it gets your attention. The brain knows that your name is something important to you, so you hear it.

The same way the brain can retain useful information, it eliminates things that a person doesn’t think about regularly. The more you think about something painful from the past, or talk about it, the brain thinks it’s important to you and retains the memories. If you stop thinking and talking about a certain situation the brain will delete it from memory.

The RAS mediates behavior. It does not distinguish good or bad. It just determines what is useful to you and what is not. This is how a person can remember or forget.

Follow Joseph’s Example

Can a person really forget when the offense is connected to trauma? Yes, if they are willing.

Joseph’s life is depicted in Genesis Chapters 37-50 . He experienced a lot of trauma. He was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, falsely accused of attempted assault of Pharoah’s wife and sent to prison. In prison Joseph interpreted a dream for the chief cupbearer who said he would tell Pharaoh that Joseph had interpreted the dream. He didn’t.

Joseph languished in prison for two more years before he was released for interpreting a dream for the Pharoah. Joseph was elevated to a position of authority. Long story short, there was a famine in the land. Joseph’s brothers ended up having to come to Egypt for food. Joseph recognized them and told them who he was, gave them food and invited them to move to Egypt so he could make sure they were okay.

His brothers feared retaliation. Joseph said to them: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20 (NASB)

Joseph could have been angry and bitter over what his brothers did to him, and took revenge. Instead, “he said, “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” Genesis 41:51 (NASB)

Decide to Forgive and Forget

No matter what kind of abuse, betrayal, heartache, or pain you’ve endured, God can use it for good. Joseph went from a pit to the palace. He forgave and forgot. He realized in the end certain things needed to happen in order for him to be the great and powerful man he became.

The Apostle Paul, who wrote half of the New Testament, was consistently beaten, thrown in prison, suffered a lot of pain, betrayal, and rejection from people. The Apostle Paul wrote: “^“…dear brothers and sisters,…I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

God requires people to forgive if we want to be forgiven by Him. No one is perfect and everyone needs forgiveness at some point. Forgiving yourself for anything you may have done, or neglected to do, is also extremely important. Thank God that He has created the RAS system in our brains that will allow us to forget anything we don’t want to remember.

My questions for you are: Is there anyone you need to forgive and forget for the trauma you experienced? Is it that you believe you can’t forgive and forget, or you just refuse to? Pray and trust God. He will give you the wisdom and strength you need to accomplish His purpose for your life. It is not impossible.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON ISSUES OF FORGIVING OR NOT FORGIVING, WHY?

Moving from ‘Why’ to ‘What’: Transforming Tragedy Into Purpose

Lifeandbibleblog.com

by Cynthia Cummings-Walker

When I was given the bad news, at first I was in shock. All kinds of thoughts swirled around in my head. I took a few deep breaths to calm the torrent of tears and confusion. I needed to be able to think clearly. Decisions had to be made, but first I wanted to know “Why?” Why did my child die when so many others in the same situation lived?

Of course, I wouldn’t want anyone else’s loved one to die, I just wanted to know why mine didn’t live. I couldn’t help but compare myself to others who received miracles in hopeless situations. Against all odds, some people survived when death was imminent, or an illness deemed incurable was cured. Why didn’t this happen in my case? Not getting a miracle just like so many others wasn’t fair.

Through a veil of excruciating pain and bitter tears I asked the “Why?” question over and over. I prayed and pleaded for God to let me know why. I believed that if the “Why” questions were answered, I would understand. Yet, to my chagrin, God remained silent.

I was livid! I was angry with people because of their actions or inaction. I was angry with myself. Perhaps if I had done something different this wouldn’t have happened. I was mad at everyone. I was behaving as though mere mortals have the power of life and death in their hands. Only God has that power. I was angry with Him too. Why didn’t He stop this from happening?

Would Knowing “Why” Change What Happened?

Eventually something dawned on me…if the “Why” questions were answered, and the results remained the same, knowing “Why” wouldn’t change a thing. My child would still be dead. Knowing “Why” was useless. It had no pain relief attached to it.

This tragedy had left me feeling like I had fallen into a deep, dark pit. “Why” would not be the rope or ladder lifting me out. My thought process had to change if I wanted to have peace. Demanding answers had gotten me nowhere. I decided to ask the Lord for direction. Kind of “Not My will but Thine be done.”

This opened-minded approach to dealing with tragedy would allow me to know what God wanted to do, verses what I wanted Him to do. Because the Bible is God’s primary communication to us, I turned there for clarity.

One day while reading I came across a story that made me look at my condition in a completely different light. In John 5:5-9 there is a story of a man who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying on a mat,.. Jesus “said to him, Do you want to be made well?” What a strange question to ask someone who is incapacitated? Even odder was the fact that the man didn’t say yes. Instead he said ““Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” (NKJV)

I don’t know whether the man asked for help and was rejected, or whether he didn’t ask anyone for help, assuming that no one would want to help him. Whatever his reasoning, blaming others was getting him nowhere. The question Jesus asked, and the response from the infirmed man was not much different than mine back then.

Was I remaining in this emotional pit because I was failing to do what it took to get out? Was it easier for me to blame others, rather than taking responsibility for what I needed to do for myself to be healed?

This self-examination prompted me to look deeper into my attitude and actions. Did I really want my broken heart healed? Did I feel that if I tried to move forward enjoying life again, others might think that I didn’t really love my daughter?

My identity had become the grieving mother. I had gotten comfortable being paralyzed by pain and making excuses for why I wasn’t moving forward. Even though the man on the mat did not say he wanted to be healed, Jesus healed him anyway. The same for me.

Exchange the “Why” for “What Can I Do Now?”

“Why” would have to go and take its bitterness and despair with it. “What” would take its place. I wondered what specific things I could do to move forward in life. I read books about people who used their pain and misfortunes to help others. Some started organizations or support groups; dedicated playgrounds or planted trees in honor of their loved one. Others impacted lives by being a friend or mentor to someone who is struggling. There are myriads of positive things that can be done.

Getting out of that dark pit of despair into the world of possibilities changed my life exponentially. As I heard the uplifting stories from others, and shared mine, my outlook on life brightened. My depression lifted. I didn’t have to feel guilty about enjoying life. I was doing something worthwhile; something that in the long run honored my child.

“What” pulled me out of the pit of despair onto a seat of power. Not power in the sense that I was anyone special. The power was the ability to be a part of a process that would affect people’s lives for the better.

“What” took the focus off of me and placed it on to others. I had renewed strength and vitality. I felt an energy I hadn’t experienced in years. I could genuinely laugh and smile again. It was amazing. Whenever I felt sad, I would rebound quicker.

Are you stuck on the “Why” merry-go-round, always moving but going nowhere? Do you really want to be well? If so, there is hope. When you are ready to reach out to others, the small piece of rope you are barely holding on to can be transformed into a lifeline for someone who is sinking. None of this happens overnight, yet it can happen.

If you decide to exchange the “Why” for the “What” it can be transformative, taking you from debilitating pain to a renewed sense of hope and purpose. Take the risk. You may surprise yourself with the positive impact you can have on others. You just have to take it one step at a time.

Questions for Reflection

Are there positive things you can see that have come out of your tragedy?

Do you want to get well? If not, why do you think you should live in a perpetual state of grief and loss?

Be an Overcomer by Building Spiritual Muscle

lifeandbibleblog.com

Cynthia Cummings Walker

One day my young son came home from school and went straight to the basement instead of going into the kitchen for an after-school snack. I wondered what he was going downstairs to do since that wasn’t something he normally did.

When I descended the stairs, I saw my son lifting weights. I asked him what prompted him to start working out with weights. My son said that a boy in school told him that he was going to beat him up the next day so my son was getting prepared for a fight. I told my son that I understood what he was trying to do. However, muscles are not built overnight.

I took the time to pray with my child right then. We prayed that the Lord would change the bully’s mind about whatever made him want to intimidate or assault my child. We prayed for all bullies who would seek to hurt other children emotionally or physically. When my son came home from school the next day, he was happy to report that the bully did not confront him. Prayer answered.

I typically used normal, everyday circumstances to teach my sons biblical truth. So, lifting weights the night before a potential fight was a perfect illustration for a spiritual lesson. There is no overnight fitness miracle, physically or spiritually.

Life for everyone has all kinds of challenges and difficulties. We never know what a day will bring. Accidents, sickness, death, health catastrophes, and more. A day can start off perfectly normal, then without warning, disaster can strike. Christians should be spiritually prepared by exercising and building their spiritual muscles so they will have strength to overcome.

How to Be Spiritually Fit

Building spiritual muscle comes through cultivating a close and personal relationship with the Lord. This happens through spending time with Him daily by reading and meditating on His Word, the Bible, and praying.

As in any relationship this should be a two-way communication, God speaks through His Word, and Christians respond to Him in prayer. Obedience to what God reveals is the third element. These exercises increase faith and trust, build spiritual muscle and brings success in any situation.

Joshua 1:8 (NIV) “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

As with physical exercise, muscles are not built overnight. Building spiritual strength is a gradual process. When Christian’s begin to see who God is as He reveals Himself through His Word, we can better understand how He works in our lives. We believe Him. We trust Him. We grow spiritually.

Spiritually mature Christians can see life’s trials and tribulations the way God sees them. From a human perspective, pain is bad and undesirable. Through scripture, we know that the Lord uses suffering to strengthen, perfect and mature the Christian. Spiritual muscles can lift and hold the weight of trials that could otherwise crush us.

James 1:2–5 (NIV) “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.

1 Peter 5:10 (NASB) “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”

Trials Reveal Level of Spiritual Fitness

If a person who eats healthy food, drinks plenty of water and has a comprehensive exercise routine were asked to run a mile, they could probably do it without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, if a person is basically a couch potato and was asked to do the same thing, perhaps they couldn’t run down the block.

The person who is physically fit is that way because of the work they put into being fit. Being spiritually fit comes with doing those things that causes spiritual growth, fitness and muscle building. When trials come into a Christian’s life, how they deal with them depends on their spiritual fitness. They either have strength for the battle, or they crumble under the weight of a problem.

There is a biblical story in the book of Job 1:13-19 where Job, a righteous man, got devastating news one day that his 10 children were killed, his servants were killed, and all his possessions were gone.

How did Job respond to this tragic and devastating news? He immediately worshipped God. “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:20-22 (NASB)

Job living a life of obedience and devotion to the Lord had built up so much spiritual muscle that he could look beyond his circumstances, to Almighty God who is worthy of praise regardless of the situation. His faith in God unwavering.

There was a period of extreme suffering in my life when I initially thought I was strong. Proverbs 24:10 (NKJV) “If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.” I soon realized I was weak.

I knew the Bible like the back of my hand, yet when the tsunami of pain hit, it was as though I didn’t know the Lord at all. I couldn’t see beyond my circumstances. I didn’t ask God for wisdom on how to get through it. I just wanted to know why. I wanted it to be over.

Through a series of events the Lord showed me that I had a lot of head knowledge, yet when a time of testing came, I failed. I knew the Word yet relied more on the knowledge of the scriptures than the One who spoke the Word. Lesson learned.

Building Spiritual Muscle Is for Our Good and God’s Glory

As I matured spiritually, focusing on my personal, intimate relationship with the Lord rather than simply knowledge of Him, my life was transformed. Because my spiritual muscles were being exercised daily, I was able to praise God immediately when faced with a serious health crisis.

One day I was feeling intense pain and had to go to the hospital. Some tests were run. A physician gave me the results. I had cancer. A person never knows how they will react to news like this until it happens.

The first thing that came to my mind when those words left his lips was: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 (NASB) I was in a Win-Win situation.

If I lived I would continue to serve the Lord with my whole heart. If I died, I would go to be with Him. My immediate response showed me how much I had grown spiritually. I was so grateful that my trust in the Lord had magnified. All through my surgery and months of chemotherapy I was at peace, acknowledging that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

When a Christian faces a devastating situation in life, being spiritually prepared will bring optimum results through spiritual muscle and power. Many people exercise daily for good health and vitality. Spiritual strength benefits not only the Christian, but the people they pray for, witness to, comfort and encourage.

So many people told me that they were astonished at the way I went through my trial with unwavering faith in the Lord. Whether I lived or died, I could say that it was well with my soul. When we have spiritual muscles that bring victory in the face of possible defeat, not just us, but everyone around us benefits from a Christian’s life that glorifies God in good times, and bad.

In Conclusion

God loves you no matter where you are spiritually. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are given spiritual power to be overcomers. How much of that spiritual power we can expend depends on whether we spiritually exercise to build spiritual muscles.

Are you exercising your spiritual muscles daily? If not, today is a good day to start. Be blessed!

Why Prayer May Seem Ineffective Today

Lifeandbibleblog.com

by Cynthia Cummings Walker

Do you ever wonder why prayer is such an integral part of Christianity, yet seems powerless to remedy societal ills? Covid19 viruses continue to mutate and spread, bringing so much suffering and death. Drug addiction and overdose deaths are in epidemic proportions. People who commit murder are younger and younger. Mass shootings are no longer rare. Alcoholism, antidepressant use, and suicides continue to increase.

And while all of these things are happening, individuals, churches and all kinds of groups are fasting and praying about the state of the nation. None of this has gotten better. In fact they have gotten worse. What in the world is going on? Does God answer prayer or not? With the way things are now, it certainly doesn’t seem like it.

Just like Jesus did, Christians are exhorted to “pray without ceasing;” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NASB). God also says: “‘Call to Me, and I will answer you,’ ”Jeremiah 33:3a (NASB). Is God not being true to His Word? NO! God IS being true to His Word, and that is why He is not hearing nor answering prayer.

Psalm 66:18 (NASB) : “If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear;”. Isaiah 59:2 (NASB) : “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.” The problem is sin. Prayers that are not heard are not answered.

When a Christian ignores what the Lord says through His Word, the Bible, there are consequences. Proverbs 1:28–30 (NASB) : “Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me, Because they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the Lord. They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof.”

Christians may pray, read the Bible, tithe, worship, attend Bible studies and do all kinds of spiritual activities and good works, yet the Lord rejects it all when Christians don’t make God’s priority, their priority.

In Matthew 22:37–40 (NASB) when a lawyer asked Jesus what the most important commandment was, “And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ “This is the great and foremost commandment. “The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”” Jesus said: “If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. ” John 14:15 (NASB)

A Christian’s actions must be motivated by love for God, and people who are created in His image. The Lord rebukes hypocrisy. “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” I John 4:20 (NASB). In this, personal reflection may be necessary.

Love is an action word, not a feeling. The Lord places loving people above Christian disciplines. When Christians concentrate on church activities and “good works” without obedience to God’s Word, the Lord refuses to accept any of it, and is angered by it.

In Isaiah 1:11–17 (NKJV) God says: “To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?” Says the Lord. I have had enough of burnt offerings…..Bring no more futile sacrifices; Incense is an abomination to Me… and the calling of assemblies— I cannot endure iniquity…. Your appointed feasts My soul hates;.. I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; Even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. ….“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes…. Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.”.

There is a remedy for those who want to be forgiven. I John 1:9 (NASB): “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Confession restores our fellowship with the Lord. Repentance and obedience enables the Christian to have victory over sin and an effective prayer life.

In 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NKJV) God says: “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

“If,” and “then” describes the conditions under which God will hear and answer prayer. “If” recognizes that people may or may not comply with this requirement to turn from their wicked ways. Therefore, prayer without repentance and obedience is worthless.

John 15:7 (NASB) reads: “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” When Christians take the time to know God through the Bible where He reveals Himself, and live obediently to those truths, they can live the abundant life God has planned for His children. Answered prayer is wonderful. Eternal life is even better.

On the other hand, for those ‘Christians’ who refuse to live an obedient life dedicated to the Lord, and want to hate, judge, oppress, malign, abuse, ignore, deny justice to, and withhold when they should help, you are wasting your time praying because God is not listening!

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