Bible – A Word to the Wise

Don’t Say That-5 Do’s and Don’ts When a Child Dies

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

As I stood peering through my living room window, I could see people going about their lives as though it was an ordinary day. At that time, I couldn’t understand how everything outside seemed so normal when it should have stopped the way my world did. Everything had come crashing down in a pile of rubble. I was in one of the worst nightmares imaginable. I couldn’t wake up from this. It wasn’t a dream. It was reality. My child was dead.

I realize that people die every day and life goes on for all of the rest of us. In my case, I wondered why a loving parent’s child could die, while horrendous parents can see their child live throughout their lifetime. Of course I would never want anyone’s child to die. Not even my worst enemy. My point is that my precious Rachel was so deeply loved. She had the best life possible for her. Now it was all over in seemingly a flash. How could life just go on as though she were never here? I was inconsolable.

Memorial Planning While Grief-stricken

During that week my husband and I had to notify people that Rachel had passed away. We had to make arrangements with a Funeral Director, write an obituary, decide how we wanted the Memorial service to be carried out, and what the menu would be for the luncheon afterwards. The way I was grieving over my beloved Rachel, I barely had the strength or mental capacity to do any of it. All of this was a lot to expect from grief-stricken parents, yet it had to be done.

As heartbroken as I was because my child died, I somehow knew that the excruciating pain I was feeling was only the tip of the iceberg. So much of what transpired during that time period was a blur to me. I didn’t remember much about the Memorial service, who was there or what people said to me afterwards. A couple of days after Rachel’s funeral there was an article in the Akron Beacon Journal newspaper about Rachel’s memorial service. That is how I know exactly what happened.

Totally Incapacitated by Grief

After the service I went home and retreated to my bedroom, undressed and got into bed where I would stay for a solid week. I felt literally paralyzed by the pain. I kept a headache from constantly crying. My eyes were almost swollen shut. All of my strength was gone. The tsunami of pain I somehow sensed would be coming, had hit. I only had the strength to go to the bathroom. Nothing else.

Thank God I had close friends who knew how much I loved Rachel and how devastated I was. They cried with me. They did their best to comfort and encourage me. They prayed and helped where assistance was needed. I didn’t have to ask. These loving actions were such a blessing.

After several days, a dear friend, who is a psychiatrist, suggested that I should think about getting professional help in order to move forward. It was obvious to my loved ones that I was incapacitated by grief and despair.

Professional Help Needed to Manage Grief

Although hesitant about the unknown, I heeded our friend’s advice and sought professional help. It was definitely the right advice and decision since I couldn’t pull myself out of the slump. I couldn’t pray my way out of it either. As a Christian I chose a Christian psychiatrist. It was such a good choice.

I was not simply medicated and expected to talk about my feelings. My therapist stressed the importance of praying daily and reading encouraging scriptures from the bible, or a daily devotional. Our sessions were insightful and challenging. Combining all of the aforementioned placed me on solid ground and enabled me to move forward through the process of grieving my child’s death.

Some people think that a Christian should just pray and trust God to solve every problem supernaturally. Some Christians believe that if a person needs some other assistance, that is a sign of a lack of faith and spirituality. Sometimes the very person who says that, is wearing eyeglasses, has had surgery, or is on some type of daily medication.

The same way they needed medical intervention, so does a person who needs emotional support. A grief-stricken person cannot pray their way out of their situation any more than a person who needs a dentist, ophthalmologist or medical doctor can just pray their ailment away. No matter who you are, a professional therapist is sometimes needed.

With love and therapy the pain of it all had somewhat dissipated. I began to resume life in my new normal. I answered phone calls and visits from friends. I felt like I was surrounded in a cocoon of loving support. It strengthened me. It eased my pain. That was until I left the safety of my home.

Words Can Help or Hurt the Grieving

Once I began to venture out and saw people that knew my daughter had passed away, I entered the surreal world of being a parent of a child who had died. The inconsiderate things some people said to me were almost unbelievable, inconceivable.

When someone dies, I know people can be at a loss for words. When a child passes away, saying the right thing is probably much more difficult. I’m sure people’s intent is to comfort the grieving parent; however, when a person is unsure about what to say, their statements can be more hurtful than helpful. Certain words said to me over and over by different people felt like salt in an open wound.

In terms of what not to say to a parent whose child has passed away, these are 5 things that should not be said.

5 DON’TS

Please don’t say: “My mother, father, (fill in the blank) died and I know just how you feel.” No matter how close a person is to their parent, parents dying before their child is part of the cycle of life. Unless you have had a child die, you don’t know, and don’t want to know the depth of this pain. Even another parent of a child who passed away cannot say they know exactly how another grieving parent feels. Circumstances make a difference.
Please don’t start quoting scriptures or anecdotal idioms. People gave me all kinds of scripture that they felt might be uplifting, when in fact it had the opposite effect on me. Scripture is appropriate when given in the proper time and context. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 clarifies that there is a specific time and season for everything. I believe the best scripture a person can be guided by in times of grief and loss is to weep with those who weep; and “mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15b (NIV) No advice required.
Please don’t say to a grieving parent that their child is in heaven and isn’t suffering any more. My child may be in heaven, but my arms are empty. My very soul is deeply troubled and wounded by an unimaginable depth of pain. People need to realize that “Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like… pouring vinegar in a wound.” Proverbs 25:20 (NLT)
Please don’t say: “Everything happens for a reason so you should be over this by now.” Grief has no time limit. No matter how many years or decades have passed, a parent will forever love their child and carry the scars of that love lost.
Please don’t say: “At least you have another child or other children.” Which one of your children that you love with all your heart and soul could fill the void left by the beloved child who passed away? A person who is trying to support someone in sorrow needs to know that even if some things are true, they are not helpful. In fact, they are hurtful when a parent is sorrowful.

5 DO’s

If you want to be an encouragement to a parent whose child has passed away, here are 5 things you can say and do that could be a comfort:

Say “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Or “I love you.” Or “I’m praying for you.” The fewer the words, the better. There is less of a chance to hurt or offend.
Sympathy cards and notes let a parent know that you are thinking about them. Shortly after my daughter passed away, I received a full-page letter from a parent whose child had also passed away. The letter really ministered to me because that mother seemed to know just what I needed.
Be an attentive listener. Being silent can be uncomfortable for the consoler. I assure you it is not for the parent. Many times the parent may need to just talk about their child, or the circumstances surrounding their child’s death. However, if the parent asks a question, give a succinct answer.
Take cues from the parent. Parents grieve differently. Some parents want to talk about their child. Some want to grieve privately so they need space. The amount of contact you have with a grieving parent should be in line with how well you knew them before the tragedy.
You can do, or give, something special if you want to memorialize their child. After my child passed away a couple we knew came over with a shovel and dirt and planted a beautiful flowering bush in Rachel’s honor. Another person heard about Rachel and brought an incredibly special gift to honor Rachel. It was a beautiful little girl with wings, holding a dove. Words can not express how much I was encouraged and comforted by these actions.

There is No Quick Fix for Those Who Grieve

No matter what is said, or done, nothing can fix this. Nothing will bring my child back to life. Acts of kindness, compassion and support can help in the healing process. Psalm 147:3 lets us know that the Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Scars do remain. God does take away the sting of death and gives the grace to move on and enjoy life again. Some days may be bittersweet, yet we do the best we can with what remains.

I received so much strength and comfort during the darkest time of my life. I want to live out the scripture in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “…God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (NLT).

God uses ordinary people to accomplish His purposes. My heartfelt desire is to impart to others what has been poured into me. Rachel’s life, and death mattered. Every child’s does.

What has been your experience when dealing with grief personally, or in regard to someone else?

Does Prayer Really Change Things?

With the state of this nation, many people are wondering what in the world is going on. Despite Christians praying, there seems to be never ending economic issues, health issues, jobless issues, political issues, church issues, relationship issues, racial issues, and/or leadership issues, wars and rumors of war, that will not go away.

Jeremiah 33:3a says, “Call to Me, and I will answer you,…” John 15:7 says, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”

In response, Churches have been having prayer meetings, prayer groups, prayer partners, prayer rallies, bible studies on prayer and all kinds of activities wherein they are calling out to the Lord in obedience to scripture.

Some people go on fasts along with their prayers, believing that fasting expedites God’s answering prayer and giving victory over the problems. What more can Christians possibly do? What do you think is the problem?

Some blame the devil. Some blame a political party or the government. Some blame non-Christians’ sinful lifestyle. Who out there is responsible for God not answering a Christian’s call? It’s not someone out there. It’s someone in here. Unrepentant Christians are the problem. Sin is the problem.

Sin Will Close God’s Ears to a Christian’s Prayer

We realize that God does not have ears. God is a Spirit. ‘Ears’ is an anthropomorphism used to ascribe human characteristics to God so that we can better understand what the Lord is conveying. The issue at hand is that unconfessed sin disrupts our communication with the Lord.

Isaiah 59:2 says: “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.”

So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen..” Isaiah 1:15

Can we really expect God to listen to our prayers when we live a worldly lifestyle, or Christians that don’t spend time with the Lord reading, praying and meditating on scripture? What about those of us who don’t pray unless we need God to give us something or solve a problem? Authentic Christianity is about having a relationship with the Lord, not acting like He is there only for 911 emergencies.

Christians may think that going to church, bible studies and doing good things makes up for ignoring God outside of spiritual activities. It does not. Living a life of rebellion against God and disobeying Scripture has severe consequences.

1 Samuel 15:22–23 “ …“Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices As in obeying the voice of the Lord. Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,… “For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you….”

Mistreating People Hinders Answers to Prayer

In Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus says that the most important commandment is that Christians love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself. Everything Christians do should emanate out of love for God as we interact with people.

The Lord places the treatment of people above things like going to church or doing good deeds. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” (I Corinthians 13:1-2) What Christian’s do for, or against people is for, or against God (Matthew 25:40-45).

Here in Isaiah, the people are asking God why He is not answering their prayers even though they are fasting and praying. This is how the Lord responds:

Isaiah 58:2-7 “For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God.

They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?’

God answers: “Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,….

You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself … Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?”

This is the fasting that the Lord recognizes: “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

“Is it not to share your food with the hungry and

to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,…?”

If a person says they are a ‘Christian’ yet hates people, they are not a Christian. They don’t know God. (1 John 4:7-8, and 1 John 4:20).

“This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out His commands. In fact, this is love for God: to keep His commands; And His commands are not burdensome,” I John 5:2-3

Repentance and Obedience Opens God’s Ears

2 Chronicles 7:14 “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Isaiah 1:16-17 “Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed…”.

Isaiah 58:9-11

“If you remove the yoke from your midst,

The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,

And if you give yourself to the hungry

And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,

Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom will become like midday….

the Lord will continually guide you,

And satisfy your desire in scorched places,

And give strength to your bones;

And you will be like a watered garden,

And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail”.”

In Conclusion

Christian’s have a choice of whether or not they want to live a life of obedience to God. There are blessings for those who do: Psalm 128:1-2 says, “Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in obedience to Him. You will eat the fruit of your labor, blessings and prosperity will be yours.”

And consequences for those who don’t. “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing,….” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Therefore, for any pseudo-Christians who want to ignore God through hate instead of love, oppress, imprison, judge, malign, abuse, ignore, deny justice to, and withhold from, when you are commanded to help, you are on your own…just stop wasting your time praying because God is not listening. However….

1 John 1:9 says “That if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

The Gift from God I Didn’t Want

by Cynthia Cummings-Walker

Psalm 127:3 says “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Really? My husband and I had prayed for a normal, healthy baby, yet received one that was defective and sick. I was not merely disappointed with my gift from God; I was absolutely devastated by it.

When Rachel Rebekah was born, after a quick count of her fingers and toes I took a sigh of relief. She was perfect and absolutely gorgeous. This gift from God was in a perfectly wrapped physical package that we were so thankful for. However, within a couple of months I realized that Rachel was not the gift I wanted or had expected.

The Gift Was Damaged

Although her physical growth was typical, her brain was not functioning properly. Rachel was diagnosed with having multiple disabilities. She was blind, hearing impaired, had cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder; was fed through a tube in her stomach; could not walk, talk, sit up, nor even respond to her name. Rachel was labeled “Chronic vegetative”.

People would say things to me like “God gave Rachel to you because you are a special person. Special people have special children.” Or, “God knew you were strong enough to handle it, so He gave Rachel to you.” I didn’t want to be special. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to be like every other mother who loved, nurtured and guided her child through life.

I was angry and depressed yet perfected my façade and nodded in agreement when people basically told me how blessed I was to have been “chosen” for this type of motherhood. It was easy for them to say this to me while they watched their child run around and play, graduate or get married. If I asked them if they would want to be so wonderfully blessed in this way, they would shrink back in horror at the thought of it all.

Regardless of the way my beloved Rachel Rebekah was, I loved her with all my heart and soul. I just couldn’t understand why a loving God would gift us with a precious baby girl who was destined to live incapacitated, medically fragile, unable to communicate, labeled, stared at and rejected. It was heartbreaking to think that Rachel would experience life’s pain, and little of its joys.

Unanswered Prayer Finally Answered

For three solid years I begged and pleaded for God to heal Rachel. It took a while, yet my prayers were finally answered. However, the answer was not what I expected. My gift would not be exchanged for a more desirable one through the physical healing of Rachel. God’s plan was bigger than that, and more awesome than I could ever have imagined.

One day as I was reading my Bible in the Book of John, Chapter 9, verses 1-3, I found answers. “As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

This scripture resonated with me in that I realized just as God had a purpose for the blind man’s life, He had a perfectly designed plan and purpose for my beloved Rachel Rebekah. Her condition was not about anything we had done or not done. It was about what God wanted to do through my precious baby girl’s life.

How could God be glorified through a child who was “Chronic vegetative”? I had no clue. I prayed for guidance and by faith did my part, trusting the Lord to do His.

From Grieving to Glorifying God

My grief and depression over the loss of a healthy, happy life for Rachel, shifted to finding out how the Lord would be glorified through her life. I stopped focusing on what was lost and concentrated on glorifying God through what remained. That prompted me to learn all I could about disabilities so that I could effectively advocate for Rachel. In advocating for others as well, my efforts began to be noticed on another level.

Newspaper articles were written about Rachel’s struggles and triumphs over a system that wanted to treat Rachel like a “disability” instead of a person, first. Trying to get them to see Rachel as the gift of God that she was, was like facing the armored Goliath with only a few rocks and a sling.

God’s awesome power was displayed in Rachel’s life by doing the seemingly impossible, allowing her to defeat the giant. Some disability policies and practices were forced to change on a systemic level. This benefitted countless people with disabilities. It was miraculous.

The miracle I wanted did not manifest as a physical or cognitive healing for my precious daughter. The miracle was in the Lord using Rachel to impact the lives of so many people locally, nationally, and internationally just the way she was.

Shortly after this photo was taken our beloved Rachel passed away from viral pneumonia. She was 21 years old.

Rachel’s Legacy Continues

Rachel’s death left me heartbroken, devastated and inconsolable. Yes, Rachel had a lot of suffering in her life. She also had joys that I didn’t think possible. We included her in so many things to normalize her life. She had a good life. When her assignment was over, she went to her heavenly home to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Her work was done. Mine wasn’t.

Rachel’s legacy became one of me founding “Hope After Tragedy” a group for mothers whose child died. Because of all of the things I experienced as a grief-stricken mother, I believed I could comfort other mothers the way I was comforted. The uplifting interaction, encouragement and support amongst the bereaved mothers has been a blessing to me, and many others.

When Rachel’s life began, I didn’t want the “damaged gift” I was given. I wanted her to be perfectly normal. Initially I was blinded by the pain. Once my eyes were opened through reading the Bible and praying, I was able to see that God’s gift of Rachel was pure perfection. She was ordained to be the perfect person to accomplish God’s perfect plan. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

My Blog “Don’t Say That: 5 Do’s and Don’ts When a Child Dies” sheds light on what helps and what hurts the parents of a child who passed away.

Consider this:

If some situation in your life has devastated you, and you think the situation is hopeless, think again. There is life after death, or disaster, in what is left behind. Is there something you can do to repurpose your painful experience into something productive? It’s like the saying: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” You may be surprised with what can be accomplished. I pray that the Lord will guide and strengthen you to accomplish His purpose for your life. God loves you. He really does!

I would really like to know how you repurposed your pain.

It’s Time to Forgive and Forget

Lifeandbibleblog.com

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

What does it mean to forgive? It is to stop feeling angry, bitter, or resentful toward someone because of an offense.

Forgive is a difficult word, and concept. Some people believe that to forgive means they condone or excuse a person’s actions. Others believe that if they forgive, they leave themselves open for more abuse. Some people say, “I can forgive but I will never forget.” Others say that they will not do either one.

What does it mean to forget? “To lose the remembrance of; be unable to think or recall; to disregard intentionally.”

Why Should I Forgive?

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14 (NLT). We all sin. Forgiving others is the gateway to receiving forgiveness for ourselves.

Forgiving does not mean condoning. Forgiving others is what God requires for our own good. If we remain angry and bitter, it would be like drinking poison and waiting for the offender to drop dead. Forgiving is not only obedience to God. It benefits us.

From a natural perspective it has been medically proven that forgiveness is like an internal cleansing. It has been medically proven that the act of forgiveness lowers the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels and sleep; drop in stress hormones; lowers blood pressure; allows for a stronger immune system; reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. Forgiving benefits the forgiver, more than the forgiven.

I’m not saying that it is as easy as 1,2,3. It takes a lot of prayer and hard work to let go of the anger and bitterness associated with a painful past. The Lord never commands us to do anything that is impossible to do. He has made a way for those who will obey.

There are Consequences for Unforgiveness

There is a parable in Matthew 18:23–35 (NASB) that tells the story of a servant who owed the king a large sum of money but couldn’t repay the debt. He pleaded with the king to have mercy and forgive the debt. It was forgiven. That same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a ridiculously small amount of money that he couldn’t repay. The forgiven servant had no mercy and had the fellow servant thrown into prison. The master found out and sent for his servant.

“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32–35 (NLT)

Everyone will reap what they sow. (Galatians 6:7). Sow forgiveness, reap forgiveness. Sow unforgiveness, reap unforgiveness. This is straightforward. The Lord gives no “out” for not forgiving. This is a command.

God Forgets our Sins

God never commands Christians to do anything that is impossible to do. Not only must we forgive, but we also have to forget. God forgives and forgets our wrongdoings.

Jeremiah 31:34 (NASB) God says…. “for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NASB) “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions…, And I will not remember your sins.”

Being willing and able to forgive is based on a person’s character and spiritual maturity. God loves us based on who He is; not on who we are. He forgives us based on His love for us; not because we are so loveable.

You may say, okay, I can forgive but not forget because I am not God. You don’t have to be. God has designed a system in the human brain that helps people do exactly that – the ability to remember or forget anything that enters the mind.

How to Forget – Brain’s Reticular Activating System

In the human brain there is a bundle of neurons near the brain stem that sort massive amounts of information. It acts as a filter for information the brain receives. It detects and lets in information that is important to a person because they spend a lot of time focusing on it. The system dismisses information the brain can do without because we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. Scientifically it is referred to as the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

Have you ever driven home, maybe listening to the radio or talking and before you know it, you’re home? You really didn’t have to think about every stop and turn. The route is so familiar it’s as though the car had driven itself. This is the RAS at work.

People who live near an airport, busy highways or train tracks don’t seem to hear the airplanes, trains or vehicles passing by. As a visitor you hear each one. It’s not important for the resident to hear, so the brain filters out the sounds.

When in a room full of people talking, we don’t distinguish what they are saying. However, if you hear your name, whether they are talking about you or not, it gets your attention. The brain knows that your name is something important to you, so you hear it.

The same way the brain can retain useful information, it eliminates things that a person doesn’t think about regularly. The more you think about something painful from the past, or talk about it, the brain thinks it’s important to you and retains the memories. If you stop thinking and talking about a certain situation the brain will delete it from memory.

The RAS mediates behavior. It does not distinguish good or bad. It just determines what is useful to you and what is not. This is how a person can remember or forget.

Follow Joseph’s Example

Can a person really forget when the offense is connected to trauma? Yes, if they are willing.

Joseph’s life is depicted in Genesis Chapters 37-50 . He experienced a lot of trauma. He was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, falsely accused of attempted assault of Pharoah’s wife and sent to prison. In prison Joseph interpreted a dream for the chief cupbearer who said he would tell Pharaoh that Joseph had interpreted the dream. He didn’t.

Joseph languished in prison for two more years before he was released for interpreting a dream for the Pharoah. Joseph was elevated to a position of authority. Long story short, there was a famine in the land. Joseph’s brothers ended up having to come to Egypt for food. Joseph recognized them and told them who he was, gave them food and invited them to move to Egypt so he could make sure they were okay.

His brothers feared retaliation. Joseph said to them: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20 (NASB)

Joseph could have been angry and bitter over what his brothers did to him, and took revenge. Instead, “he said, “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” Genesis 41:51 (NASB)

Decide to Forgive and Forget

No matter what kind of abuse, betrayal, heartache, or pain you’ve endured, God can use it for good. Joseph went from a pit to the palace. He forgave and forgot. He realized in the end certain things needed to happen in order for him to be the great and powerful man he became.

The Apostle Paul, who wrote half of the New Testament, was consistently beaten, thrown in prison, suffered a lot of pain, betrayal, and rejection from people. The Apostle Paul wrote: “^“…dear brothers and sisters,…I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

God requires people to forgive if we want to be forgiven by Him. No one is perfect and everyone needs forgiveness at some point. Forgiving yourself for anything you may have done, or neglected to do, is also extremely important. Thank God that He has created the RAS system in our brains that will allow us to forget anything we don’t want to remember.

My questions for you are: Is there anyone you need to forgive and forget for the trauma you experienced? Is it that you believe you can’t forgive and forget, or you just refuse to? Pray and trust God. He will give you the wisdom and strength you need to accomplish His purpose for your life. It is not impossible.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON ISSUES OF FORGIVING OR NOT FORGIVING, WHY?

Be an Overcomer by Building Spiritual Muscle

by Cynthia Cummings Walker

One day my young son came home from school and went straight to the basement instead of going into the kitchen for an after-school snack. I wondered what he was going downstairs to do since that wasn’t something he normally did.

When I descended the stairs, I saw my son lifting weights. I asked him what prompted him to start working out with weights. My son said that a boy in school told him that he was going to beat him up the next day so my son was getting prepared for a fight. I told my son that I understood what he was trying to do. However, muscles are not built overnight.

I took the time to pray with my child right then. We prayed that the Lord would change the bully’s mind about whatever made him want to intimidate or assault my child. We prayed for all bullies who would seek to hurt other children emotionally or physically. When my son came home from school the next day, he was happy to report that the bully did not confront him. Prayer answered.

I typically used normal, everyday circumstances to teach my sons biblical truth. So, lifting weights the night before a potential fight was a perfect illustration for a spiritual lesson. There is no overnight fitness miracle, physically or spiritually.

Life for everyone has all kinds of challenges and difficulties. We never know what a day will bring. Accidents, sickness, death, health catastrophes, and more. A day can start off perfectly normal, then without warning, disaster can strike. Christians should be spiritually prepared by exercising and building their spiritual muscles so they will have strength to overcome.

How to Be Spiritually Fit

Building spiritual muscle comes through cultivating a close and personal relationship with the Lord. This happens through spending time with Him daily by reading and meditating on His Word, the Bible, and praying.

As in any relationship this should be a two-way communication, God speaks through His Word, and Christians respond to Him in prayer. Obedience to what God reveals is the third element. These exercises increase faith and trust, build spiritual muscle and brings success in any situation.

Joshua 1:8 (NIV) “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

As with physical exercise, muscles are not built overnight. Building spiritual strength is a gradual process. When Christian’s begin to see who God is as He reveals Himself through His Word, we can better understand how He works in our lives. We believe Him. We trust Him. We grow spiritually.

Spiritually mature Christians can see life’s trials and tribulations the way God sees them. From a human perspective, pain is bad and undesirable. Through scripture, we know that the Lord uses suffering to strengthen, perfect and mature the Christian. Spiritual muscles can lift and hold the weight of trials that could otherwise crush us.

James 1:2–5 (NIV) “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.

1 Peter 5:10 (NASB) “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”

Trials Reveal Level of Spiritual Fitness

If a person who eats healthy food, drinks plenty of water and has a comprehensive exercise routine were asked to run a mile, they could probably do it without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, if a person is basically a couch potato and was asked to do the same thing, perhaps they couldn’t run down the block.

The person who is physically fit is that way because of the work they put into being fit. Being spiritually fit comes with doing those things that causes spiritual growth, fitness and muscle building. When trials come into a Christian’s life, how they deal with them depends on their spiritual fitness. They either have strength for the battle, or they crumble under the weight of a problem.

There is a biblical story in the book of Job 1:13-19 where Job, a righteous man, got devastating news one day that his 10 children were killed, his servants were killed, and all his possessions were gone.

How did Job respond to this tragic and devastating news? He immediately worshipped God. “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:20-22 (NASB)

Job living a life of obedience and devotion to the Lord had built up so much spiritual muscle that he could look beyond his circumstances, to Almighty God who is worthy of praise regardless of the situation. His faith in God unwavering.

There was a period of extreme suffering in my life when I initially thought I was strong. Proverbs 24:10 (NKJV) “If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.” I soon realized I was weak.

I knew the Bible like the back of my hand, yet when the tsunami of pain hit, it was as though I didn’t know the Lord at all. I couldn’t see beyond my circumstances. I didn’t ask God for wisdom on how to get through it. I just wanted to know why. I wanted it to be over.

Through a series of events the Lord showed me that I had a lot of head knowledge, yet when a time of testing came, I failed. I knew the Word yet relied more on the knowledge of the scriptures than the One who spoke the Word. Lesson learned.

Building Spiritual Muscle Is for Our Good and God’s Glory

As I matured spiritually, focusing on my personal, intimate relationship with the Lord rather than simply knowledge of Him, my life was transformed. Because my spiritual muscles were being exercised daily, I was able to praise God immediately when faced with a serious health crisis.

One day I was feeling intense pain and had to go to the hospital. Some tests were run. A physician gave me the results. I had cancer. A person never knows how they will react to news like this until it happens.

The first thing that came to my mind when those words left his lips was: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 (NASB) I was in a Win-Win situation.

If I lived I would continue to serve the Lord with my whole heart. If I died, I would go to be with Him. My immediate response showed me how much I had grown spiritually. I was so grateful that my trust in the Lord had magnified. All through my surgery and months of chemotherapy I was at peace, acknowledging that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

When a Christian faces a devastating situation in life, being spiritually prepared will bring optimum results through spiritual muscle and power. Many people exercise daily for good health and vitality. Spiritual strength benefits not only the Christian, but the people they pray for, witness to, comfort and encourage.

So many people told me that they were astonished at the way I went through my trial with unwavering faith in the Lord. Whether I lived or died, I could say that it was well with my soul. When we have spiritual muscles that bring victory in the face of possible defeat, not just us, but everyone around us benefits from a Christian’s life that glorifies God in good times, and bad.

In Conclusion

God loves you no matter where you are spiritually. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are given spiritual power to be overcomers. How much of that spiritual power we can expend depends on whether we spiritually exercise to build spiritual muscles.

Are you exercising your spiritual muscles daily? If not, today is a good day to start. Be blessed!

Why Prayer May Seem Ineffective Today

Lifeandbibleblog.com

by Cynthia Cummings Walker

Do you ever wonder why prayer is such an integral part of Christianity, yet seems powerless to remedy societal ills? Covid19 viruses continue to mutate and spread, bringing so much suffering and death. Drug addiction and overdose deaths are in epidemic proportions. People who commit murder are younger and younger. Mass shootings are no longer rare. Alcoholism, antidepressant use, and suicides continue to increase.

And while all of these things are happening, individuals, churches and all kinds of groups are fasting and praying about the state of the nation. None of this has gotten better. In fact they have gotten worse. What in the world is going on? Does God answer prayer or not? With the way things are now, it certainly doesn’t seem like it.

Just like Jesus did, Christians are exhorted to “pray without ceasing;” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NASB). God also says: “‘Call to Me, and I will answer you,’ ”Jeremiah 33:3a (NASB). Is God not being true to His Word? NO! God IS being true to His Word, and that is why He is not hearing nor answering prayer.

Psalm 66:18 (NASB) : “If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear;”. Isaiah 59:2 (NASB) : “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.” The problem is sin. Prayers that are not heard are not answered.

When a Christian ignores what the Lord says through His Word, the Bible, there are consequences. Proverbs 1:28–30 (NASB) : “Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me, Because they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the Lord. They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof.”

Christians may pray, read the Bible, tithe, worship, attend Bible studies and do all kinds of spiritual activities and good works, yet the Lord rejects it all when Christians don’t make God’s priority, their priority.

In Matthew 22:37–40 (NASB) when a lawyer asked Jesus what the most important commandment was, “And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ “This is the great and foremost commandment. “The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”” Jesus said: “If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. ” John 14:15 (NASB)

A Christian’s actions must be motivated by love for God, and people who are created in His image. The Lord rebukes hypocrisy. “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” I John 4:20 (NASB). In this, personal reflection may be necessary.

Love is an action word, not a feeling. The Lord places loving people above Christian disciplines. When Christians concentrate on church activities and “good works” without obedience to God’s Word, the Lord refuses to accept any of it, and is angered by it.

In Isaiah 1:11–17 (NKJV) God says: “To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?” Says the Lord. I have had enough of burnt offerings…..Bring no more futile sacrifices; Incense is an abomination to Me… and the calling of assemblies— I cannot endure iniquity…. Your appointed feasts My soul hates;.. I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; Even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. ….“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes…. Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.”.

There is a remedy for those who want to be forgiven. I John 1:9 (NASB): “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Confession restores our fellowship with the Lord. Repentance and obedience enables the Christian to have victory over sin and an effective prayer life.

In 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NKJV) God says: “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

“If,” and “then” describes the conditions under which God will hear and answer prayer. “If” recognizes that people may or may not comply with this requirement to turn from their wicked ways. Therefore, prayer without repentance and obedience is worthless.

John 15:7 (NASB) reads: “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” When Christians take the time to know God through the Bible where He reveals Himself, and live obediently to those truths, they can live the abundant life God has planned for His children. Answered prayer is wonderful. Eternal life is even better.

On the other hand, for those ‘Christians’ who refuse to live an obedient life dedicated to the Lord, and want to hate, judge, oppress, malign, abuse, ignore, deny justice to, and withhold when they should help, you are wasting your time praying because God is not listening!

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