The Miracle of an Ordinary Day

When we wake up in the morning, we never know what a day will bring. Someone didn’t even wake up.

On any given day someone has a heart attack, an upsetting diagnosis, serious accident or injury, a job eliminated, a divorce finalized, a sudden death, an important relationship ended, victim of a crime.

These things happen to someone somewhere every day. In light of all that can happen, when we live through an ordinary day without a personal catastrophe, or knowing about one, that is a miracle in itself.

A Miracle

One day it dawned on me that I am thankful for what I see. Am I thanking God for what didn’t happen?

I love flower gardening and grow lots of flowers. One day I was weeding and pruning flowers that are in front of the wooded area in back of my house. When finished, I decided to prune the holly bushes.

As the branches fell to the ground, I would pick them up and place them in a bag. When I got to the last bush, as I reached down to pick up branches, my hand went across something solid under the bush. When I looked to see what it was, there was a huge copperhead snake curled under the bush.

I was terrified. I couldn’t believe it. The snake had every opportunity to sink its teeth into my neck or face, yet the Lord protected me from the unseen danger. Copperheads are the type of snakes that are most likely to bite. In North Carolina there are more copperhead bites than all other snake bites combined.

It was a miracle.

Story time

A person’s alarm clock did not go off as scheduled which made her late for work. Because she was late, she was unable to have coffee with some co-workers she enjoyed starting off the workday with. For lunch she went to a restaurant. It took what seemed like forever to get her meal. Late again.

Nothing was going right that day. When she got home she was going to relax and soak her aching feet. As soon as she was getting ready to plug in the foot massager, the power went off in the house.

She couldn’t believe how rotten her day had been. She prayed and asked God why He would allow almost everything to go wrong when she had not neglected to pray for a good day.

The Lord replied: “You overslept because there was a reckless, speeding driver that was going to crash into someone. If you had been on the road at that time it could have been you.

You weren’t able to have coffee with co-workers because the conversation was a lot of gossip and complaint about the company you work for and I didn’t want you to become embroiled in the controversy ahead.

Your lunch was delayed because the chef was sneezing and not feeling well. Another chef had to be called to replace him. This caused a delay in meal preparation which prevented you from getting sick from possibly contaminated food.

I know you really wanted to have a nice foot soak, however, there was a short in the wiring. If you had been able to plug it in you would have been electrocuted.”

A Miracle.

So many times, we don’t understand what is going on behind the scenes. We blame God for not answering our prayers when He is answering them. A prayer for safety. A prayer for job security. A prayer for health.

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 (KJV)

“Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

Christians are to trust God and be thankful in every situation. He knows and does what is best whether we understand it or not. I’ve learned to be thankful for the miracles God has performed in my life even though I can’t specifically say what some are.

Miracles are not always manifested in spectacular ways. They can happen during an ordinary day in what didn’t happen.

Question for Reflection:

Are you thankful in every situation, or quick to complain and blame?

The Gift from God I Didn’t Want

by Cynthia Cummings-Walker

Psalm 127:3 says “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Really? My husband and I had prayed for a normal, healthy baby, yet received one that was defective and sick. I was not merely disappointed with my gift from God; I was absolutely devastated by it.

When Rachel Rebekah was born, after a quick count of her fingers and toes I took a sigh of relief. She was perfect and absolutely gorgeous. This gift from God was in a perfectly wrapped physical package that we were so thankful for. However, within a couple of months I realized that Rachel was not the gift I wanted or had expected.

The Gift Was Damaged

Although her physical growth was typical, her brain was not functioning properly. Rachel was diagnosed with having multiple disabilities. She was blind, hearing impaired, had cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder; was fed through a tube in her stomach; could not walk, talk, sit up, nor even respond to her name. Rachel was labeled “Chronic vegetative”.

People would say things to me like “God gave Rachel to you because you are a special person. Special people have special children.” Or, “God knew you were strong enough to handle it, so He gave Rachel to you.” I didn’t want to be special. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to be like every other mother who loved, nurtured and guided her child through life.

I was angry and depressed yet perfected my façade and nodded in agreement when people basically told me how blessed I was to have been “chosen” for this type of motherhood. It was easy for them to say this to me while they watched their child run around and play, graduate or get married. If I asked them if they would want to be so wonderfully blessed in this way, they would shrink back in horror at the thought of it all.

Regardless of the way my beloved Rachel Rebekah was, I loved her with all my heart and soul. I just couldn’t understand why a loving God would gift us with a precious baby girl who was destined to live incapacitated, medically fragile, unable to communicate, labeled, stared at and rejected. It was heartbreaking to think that Rachel would experience life’s pain, and little of its joys.

Unanswered Prayer Finally Answered

For three solid years I begged and pleaded for God to heal Rachel. It took a while, yet my prayers were finally answered. However, the answer was not what I expected. My gift would not be exchanged for a more desirable one through the physical healing of Rachel. God’s plan was bigger than that, and more awesome than I could ever have imagined.

One day as I was reading my Bible in the Book of John, Chapter 9, verses 1-3, I found answers. “As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

This scripture resonated with me in that I realized just as God had a purpose for the blind man’s life, He had a perfectly designed plan and purpose for my beloved Rachel Rebekah. Her condition was not about anything we had done or not done. It was about what God wanted to do through my precious baby girl’s life.

How could God be glorified through a child who was “Chronic vegetative”? I had no clue. I prayed for guidance and by faith did my part, trusting the Lord to do His.

From Grieving to Glorifying God

My grief and depression over the loss of a healthy, happy life for Rachel, shifted to finding out how the Lord would be glorified through her life. I stopped focusing on what was lost and concentrated on glorifying God through what remained. That prompted me to learn all I could about disabilities so that I could effectively advocate for Rachel. In advocating for others as well, my efforts began to be noticed on another level.

Newspaper articles were written about Rachel’s struggles and triumphs over a system that wanted to treat Rachel like a “disability” instead of a person, first. Trying to get them to see Rachel as the gift of God that she was, was like facing the armored Goliath with only a few rocks and a sling.

God’s awesome power was displayed in Rachel’s life by doing the seemingly impossible, allowing her to defeat the giant. Some disability policies and practices were forced to change on a systemic level. This benefitted countless people with disabilities. It was miraculous.

The miracle I wanted did not manifest as a physical or cognitive healing for my precious daughter. The miracle was in the Lord using Rachel to impact the lives of so many people locally, nationally, and internationally just the way she was.

Shortly after this photo was taken our beloved Rachel passed away from viral pneumonia. She was 21 years old.

Rachel’s Legacy Continues

Rachel’s death left me heartbroken, devastated and inconsolable. Yes, Rachel had a lot of suffering in her life. She also had joys that I didn’t think possible. We included her in so many things to normalize her life. She had a good life. When her assignment was over, she went to her heavenly home to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Her work was done. Mine wasn’t.

Rachel’s legacy became one of me founding “Hope After Tragedy” a group for mothers whose child died. Because of all of the things I experienced as a grief-stricken mother, I believed I could comfort other mothers the way I was comforted. The uplifting interaction, encouragement and support amongst the bereaved mothers has been a blessing to me, and many others.

When Rachel’s life began, I didn’t want the “damaged gift” I was given. I wanted her to be perfectly normal. Initially I was blinded by the pain. Once my eyes were opened through reading the Bible and praying, I was able to see that God’s gift of Rachel was pure perfection. She was ordained to be the perfect person to accomplish God’s perfect plan. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

My Blog “Don’t Say That: 5 Do’s and Don’ts When a Child Dies” sheds light on what helps and what hurts the parents of a child who passed away.

Consider this:

If some situation in your life has devastated you, and you think the situation is hopeless, think again. There is life after death, or disaster, in what is left behind. Is there something you can do to repurpose your painful experience into something productive? It’s like the saying: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” You may be surprised with what can be accomplished. I pray that the Lord will guide and strengthen you to accomplish His purpose for your life. God loves you. He really does!

I would really like to know how you repurposed your pain.

Is God Punishing Me?

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

As I pondered the diagnosis, and what I had just been told, the pain of my thoughts was like a heated blade stabbing through my very heart and soul. Suddenly I heard sounds of loud, heart wrenching wails filling the air. I looked around to see who it was. There was no one else there. It was me.

The all-encompassing pain I felt from this living nightmare was just too much to bear. Every bit of physical strength I had drained out of my body. I felt weak, and slowly slid to the floor. Words cannot express the depth of pain and anguish that ripped at my very soul as images of Rachel suffering for months, without relief, swirled around in my head.

Through bitter tears I wondered, how could God be a loving, merciful God and allow something so awful to happen? Perhaps it wasn’t God’s fault. What if it was me?

Was I Being Punished for Something?

I couldn’t help but wonder if this torture was some kind of punishment from God for something I had done. I started trying to remember everything I had ever done wrong to see if anything warranted this level of retribution from God. I was far from perfect but couldn’t pinpoint anything.

Fast forwarding through my life, perhaps I had forgotten about something. No, nothing there either. I couldn’t remember anything drastic enough to cause what seemed to be severe punishment. No matter how irrational my thought process was, that is how I felt then, before I knew better.

Every day, people all over the world die, get in accidents, receive a devastating diagnosis, get betrayed, abandoned by someone they love; or lose everything they have. Death. Abuses. Tragedy. Evil. All are a part of life.

No matter who you are, where you live, or what you have, misfortune will come knocking at your door at some point. One thing that may be easy to forget is that each person who dies is an individual, not just one of many. They have families and loved ones who suffer and grieve.

Perspective Matters

I had to admit that when catastrophes befall others, I don’t assume that God is punishing them. So why, when something horrendous happens to someone personally, they may think it is a punishment from God? Even if I had done something terrible, God still would not hurt someone else to punish the perpetrator, me.

Perspective determines how a person will feel and act on what’s happening in their life. Two people can look at the same situation and see it entirely differently. In this case we are considering responses to tragedy and loss.

Let’s say that there is a drinking glass on a table that has liquid in it to the middle of the glass. Some people see the glass as half full, while others see it as half empty. Some people go through life with a half empty glass as a victim. While the ones who see the glass half full will be more positive about life and are more likely to live as a victor.

I understand that during a crisis a person can be blindsided by the pain. They don’t want to think about what good can come out of their situation. They just want things back the way they used to be no matter how it was.

Self-Induced Misery is Not Punishment

There is no need for God to punish a person who makes perpetually foolish decisions. The consequences of their actions cause misery that is self-induced. When a person fails to take personal responsibility for bad decisions, it is easier to blame someone else, or claim that God is punishing them.

I’ve heard some people’s family members say that God is punishing them by taking their loved one away. Not true. For instance, if a person chooses to be drug or alcohol addicted, has reckless behaviors or takes their own life, that is a consequence of personal choice.

My heart goes out to those who suffer because of these heart wrenching situations. I know they don’t want to blame the dead. God isn’t to blame either. God gives us all free will to live life as we please.

We can make decisions that benefit us, or ones that are detrimental. Even when a loved one passes away from something out of their control, that is not God punishing anyone. People get sick and die. Everyone is going to die one day. No one gets out of here alive.

The more I thought about it, prayed, and studied the scriptures, I realized that God does not punish the innocent for the actions of the guilty.

We Reap What We Sow

If God wanted to punish me, He had plenty of ways He could do it directly. God is a God of justice. It would be unjust for Him to punish the innocent for the actions of the guilty. Galatians 6:7 (NLT) “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.”

In other words, we all will reap what we have sown, personally. My heart goes out to those who have culpability in situations that have caused great pain and regret. We can’t turn back the hands of time and change what happened. What can be done is to confess, repent, and learn from it.

God’s Objective is to Save, Not Punish

God is loving, merciful and forgiving. Everything He does is right, and for our good. We can’t tell God how to be God any more than our toddler can tell us how to be a parent. None of us has done everything right. We all fall short. We must trust God because He is God. Our Sovereign, Omniscient, Omnipotent Lord.

When someone is grieving, the focus tends to be on what is lost, instead of acknowledging and appreciating what remains. It takes time, yet it will come if the person desires it. Know and believe Scripture: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Consider This

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NASB)

When Mother’s Day Hurts

10 Things to Consider

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a day of celebration, then why so much pain for some? Perhaps someone’s mother has passed away and the loss is still too great. Others suffer because they are the mother of a child who has passed away and the thought of celebrating motherhood would be impossible.

Either way, it is a loss that is intensified by a day to honor and celebrate mothers. A loving mother is certainly irreplaceable. They should be celebrated for all of the sacrifices, encouragement and care they gave their child. Most mothers are cherished in life and deeply mourned in death.

“Not a Mother” Hurts on Mother’s Day Too

Amidst all of the much-deserved honoring of a mother, past or present, there is another category of women who are hurting on Mother’s Day. They are the ones who had a miscarriage, a baby stillborn; or are unable to birth a child even though they have tried everything possible to be a mother. They hurt too.

Someone asked me once if she was still a mother because her only child had passed away. My answer was emphatically yes! A woman cannot “unbirth” her child. If a brother or sister passes away, they will always remain your sibling. When parents pass away, they will always be your parent.

Grieving Should Be a Judgement Free Zone

When you are an adult child of a mother who passed away, some people may say that your mom lived a long life, and you should be thankful you had her for so long. When a mother is deeply loved, no matter how long she lived, the time seems far too short.

When a young mother passes away there may be many questions and few answers. The devastation left behind is enormous for the loved ones of that mother. The circumstances around a person’s death impacts the grief and can cause all kinds of emotions that may be detrimental to the process of moving forward in life. We can move pass it, not get over it.

Even when there is a role reversal wherein a mother needs to be cared for the way she took care of her child, the heartache and grief at the mother’s death is not diminished. It is not a relief. It is a heart wrenching loss.

No matter what the circumstance, all who grieve on Mother’s Day deserve the same acknowledgement of their loss. Sometimes people are quick to judge who deserves what, and under what circumstance. The intent here is to acknowledge everyone’s pain when Mother’s Day causes them to hurt. This includes both male and female mourners, young and the aged.

In my family we celebrate Mother’s Day by going out to dinner. One Mother’s Day catered food was brought in so we could celebrate at our home. After all of these years holidays are still bittersweet because our beloved Rachel is not here with us. If I need to shed a tear, I do. If something is funny to me, I laugh.

Emotions are complex so I don’t apologize for missing my daughter or have to pretend to be happy so everyone else can feel comfortable. My loved ones understand. They hurt too.

When Other Celebrations Hurt

If I am feeling extremely depressed around some special event, I probably will not attend. If it is really important that I go, I stay for a short period of time, then leave.

One year I was invited to a friend’s daughter’s high school graduation. It was just months after Rachel died, during her last year of high school. I really didn’t want to attend because it would intensify my loss. Because of the close relationship with my friend, I knew I should go to the celebration. I went and stayed a short period of time, then left. Sometimes when someone has been so close and supportive for years, a personal sacrifice on a day of celebration is necessary.

My friend understood why I couldn’t stay long. My presence was important because she was the best friend a person could want, and her family had been like family to mine. I prayed and asked the Lord for strength to be engaging with those in attendance without showing any sign of my pain. He answered that prayer. I was even able to enjoy seeing some people I hadn’t seen in a while.

This is why it is so important to have open communication with the people close to you, so they understand why you are hurting. My blog on the “Do’s and Don’ts, When a Child Dies” can be helpful to them. Everyone will not be amenable to the needs of those who suffer. That’s okay too. Find your “safe” people and safe places where you can be you, and do the best to enjoy what you can.

For those who may not be aware of what hurts, and what helps on Mother’s Day, here are 10 actions that can possibly alleviate some of the pain associated with the celebration of mothers.

What You Can Do for Those Who Hurt on Mother’s Day

Acknowledge a person’s loss, letting them know you haven’t forgotten their loved one.
Be a silent listener to someone who wants to talk about their loss.
Offer to get together for a meal, walk in the park, put flowers on a grave site, or any other helpful activity.
Demonstrate a lot of love without judging, criticizing, or condemning the way someone grieves.
Pray and ask God for wisdom in how to comfort those who are grieving because Mother’s Day hurts.

What You Can Do When Mother’s Day Is Hurtful for You

Be kind to yourself. Don’t feel guilty or feel you have to be strong for others.
Write a letter to your loved one, expressing your feelings about the loss.
Look at photographs of happier times and try to laugh a little.
Think about what your mother or child would want you to do in their absence, and do it.
Ignore the holiday or create new traditions, doing whatever brings you a semblance of peace or joy.

Grief is real and is expressed differently depending on who you are and what you have experienced. There are no pat answers about what to do. You can try different ways to help you find solace during holidays or celebrations. If something is not working, try something else.

When the loved one’s passing is recent, doing these things can be much more difficult. As times passes, moving forward in life gets somewhat easier although you will never just get over the death.

My mother has passed away and so has my daughter. I try to do the best I can with what remains. There is a reason why I am still here. I try to live with purpose. Trying to help others who are suffering has bought me a renewed sense of purpose and direction. I believe this honors my precious Rachel Rebekah. That is my prayer for you as well.

Lessons From a Bird: Being Content with God’s Provision

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

For a couple of days, a beautiful bright red cardinal kept flying into my window that faces the patio. I didn’t know why and was concerned that it would injure itself. After a couple of days I realized that the bird was trying to fly to the red flowering Canna plant I have just inside that window.

The bird completely ignored the birdfeeders, birdbath, and urns of beautiful flowers blooming all around the patio. None of that seemed to matter. The bird was determined to get to the Canna through that window, although it was closed.

The Cardinal did not realize that in being outside, it had the freedom to fly anywhere it wanted to go. It could travel to places where it could enjoy a variety of flowers and food. Being around other birds the Cardinal could find a mate.

Many people are like the Cardinal. The Lord has provided us with everything we need, and much of what we desire. When lust for something that looks more appealing sets in, we may become dissatisfied, ignoring what we have and go after that which is unreachable. Sometimes to our own detriment.

In Genesis chapters 2 and 3 is the biblical account of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God had provided the most beautiful garden that anyone could possibly imagine. Adam and Eve did not have to plant anything nor toil to maintain its beauty. There were no weeds. A mist came up from the ground to water it. There was little to do except enjoy it.

The trees there were exceptionally lush and stunning to look at and countless fruit trees to eat from. There was only one restriction. God told Adam and Eve they could eat fruit from any tree in the garden, except one. It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil located in the middle of the garden.

Adam and Eve had a close and personal relationship with God. They lived in a beautiful, perfect environment. What more could they want?

One day Satan approached Eve and asked her why she was not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eve said that God told them they could not eat from that tree. If they ate from it they would surely die.

Satan told Eve that what God said was not true and if they ate from the tree they would not surely die. He said God was restricting them from that tree because if they ate from it their eyes would be opened and they would be like God, knowing good and evil.

Eve was tempted to disobey God, blinded by the lust for something that was forbidden. She erroneously felt that God was withholding something better than she already had. Eve ignored the lush and beautiful garden she lived in and focused on what she was closed out from having.

It was like the Cardinal wanting to get to the Canna. Eve succumbed to the temptation and ate a piece of fruit from the forbidden tree and gave some to Adam. This was a disastrous decision. It probably took less than a minute to make, yet one that brought irreparable damage to Adam and Eve and their relationship with God.

The result of their disobedience destroyed their entire way of life. The penalty for Adam and Eve’s disobedience caused God to remove them from the garden and banned them from ever returning.

The far-reaching consequences were that Adam would have to work by the sweat of his brow for the rest of his life. Eve would have to suffer labor pains in childbirth. Their son Cain would kill their other son Abel. Of course, they had no idea of the price they would have to pay for being ungrateful and disobedient. Do we?

Things may look tempting and good from the outside looking in. The Master Gardener has a reason for closing a door or window. Even though the Cardinal was intent on entering my home for the flowering plant through the window, I restricted its entry and the window remained closed.

Unbeknownst to the bird, if it had managed to get inside, it would be paying a high price. It’s freedom to enjoy all of nature would be gone, and it would be restricted to one flower in an atmosphere which is not conducive to the bird’s intended purpose, nor its survival.

2 LESSONS TO BE LEARNED FROM THE CARDINAL

In life, learn to be content with God’s provisions and enjoy what you currently have. The door or window may be closed for a reason. When the Lord has something for you, you will have access to it in God’s time. Pray and wait.
Trust God. He is good. Everything the Lord does is right and done for our good. God has reasons for restrictions. Some things may be detrimental to us, or it is just not the right time. If we try to force our way in, that can cause self-induced misery, or worse.

As for the Cardinal, it kept flying into the window until I realized why the bird was doing it and moved the Canna to another spot where the bird could not see it. The Cardinal then refocused and enjoyed the provisions outside where it was. Once it is consistently warm outside at night, I will put the Cannas outside and the Cardinal can enjoy them then.

Disaster can be borne out of haste. Good things come to those who wait.

Have you ever made a decision in haste and regretted it?

Do you, when God does not answer a prayer the way you want Him to, patiently wait, trusting that He knows what is best?

It’s Time to Forgive and Forget

Lifeandbibleblog.com

By Cynthia Cummings-Walker

What does it mean to forgive? It is to stop feeling angry, bitter, or resentful toward someone because of an offense.

Forgive is a difficult word, and concept. Some people believe that to forgive means they condone or excuse a person’s actions. Others believe that if they forgive, they leave themselves open for more abuse. Some people say, “I can forgive but I will never forget.” Others say that they will not do either one.

What does it mean to forget? “To lose the remembrance of; be unable to think or recall; to disregard intentionally.”

Why Should I Forgive?

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14 (NLT). We all sin. Forgiving others is the gateway to receiving forgiveness for ourselves.

Forgiving does not mean condoning. Forgiving others is what God requires for our own good. If we remain angry and bitter, it would be like drinking poison and waiting for the offender to drop dead. Forgiving is not only obedience to God. It benefits us.

From a natural perspective it has been medically proven that forgiveness is like an internal cleansing. It has been medically proven that the act of forgiveness lowers the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels and sleep; drop in stress hormones; lowers blood pressure; allows for a stronger immune system; reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. Forgiving benefits the forgiver, more than the forgiven.

I’m not saying that it is as easy as 1,2,3. It takes a lot of prayer and hard work to let go of the anger and bitterness associated with a painful past. The Lord never commands us to do anything that is impossible to do. He has made a way for those who will obey.

There are Consequences for Unforgiveness

There is a parable in Matthew 18:23–35 (NASB) that tells the story of a servant who owed the king a large sum of money but couldn’t repay the debt. He pleaded with the king to have mercy and forgive the debt. It was forgiven. That same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a ridiculously small amount of money that he couldn’t repay. The forgiven servant had no mercy and had the fellow servant thrown into prison. The master found out and sent for his servant.

“Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32–35 (NLT)

Everyone will reap what they sow. (Galatians 6:7). Sow forgiveness, reap forgiveness. Sow unforgiveness, reap unforgiveness. This is straightforward. The Lord gives no “out” for not forgiving. This is a command.

God Forgets our Sins

God never commands Christians to do anything that is impossible to do. Not only must we forgive, but we also have to forget. God forgives and forgets our wrongdoings.

Jeremiah 31:34 (NASB) God says…. “for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NASB) “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions…, And I will not remember your sins.”

Being willing and able to forgive is based on a person’s character and spiritual maturity. God loves us based on who He is; not on who we are. He forgives us based on His love for us; not because we are so loveable.

You may say, okay, I can forgive but not forget because I am not God. You don’t have to be. God has designed a system in the human brain that helps people do exactly that – the ability to remember or forget anything that enters the mind.

How to Forget – Brain’s Reticular Activating System

In the human brain there is a bundle of neurons near the brain stem that sort massive amounts of information. It acts as a filter for information the brain receives. It detects and lets in information that is important to a person because they spend a lot of time focusing on it. The system dismisses information the brain can do without because we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. Scientifically it is referred to as the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

Have you ever driven home, maybe listening to the radio or talking and before you know it, you’re home? You really didn’t have to think about every stop and turn. The route is so familiar it’s as though the car had driven itself. This is the RAS at work.

People who live near an airport, busy highways or train tracks don’t seem to hear the airplanes, trains or vehicles passing by. As a visitor you hear each one. It’s not important for the resident to hear, so the brain filters out the sounds.

When in a room full of people talking, we don’t distinguish what they are saying. However, if you hear your name, whether they are talking about you or not, it gets your attention. The brain knows that your name is something important to you, so you hear it.

The same way the brain can retain useful information, it eliminates things that a person doesn’t think about regularly. The more you think about something painful from the past, or talk about it, the brain thinks it’s important to you and retains the memories. If you stop thinking and talking about a certain situation the brain will delete it from memory.

The RAS mediates behavior. It does not distinguish good or bad. It just determines what is useful to you and what is not. This is how a person can remember or forget.

Follow Joseph’s Example

Can a person really forget when the offense is connected to trauma? Yes, if they are willing.

Joseph’s life is depicted in Genesis Chapters 37-50 . He experienced a lot of trauma. He was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, falsely accused of attempted assault of Pharoah’s wife and sent to prison. In prison Joseph interpreted a dream for the chief cupbearer who said he would tell Pharaoh that Joseph had interpreted the dream. He didn’t.

Joseph languished in prison for two more years before he was released for interpreting a dream for the Pharoah. Joseph was elevated to a position of authority. Long story short, there was a famine in the land. Joseph’s brothers ended up having to come to Egypt for food. Joseph recognized them and told them who he was, gave them food and invited them to move to Egypt so he could make sure they were okay.

His brothers feared retaliation. Joseph said to them: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20 (NASB)

Joseph could have been angry and bitter over what his brothers did to him, and took revenge. Instead, “he said, “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” Genesis 41:51 (NASB)

Decide to Forgive and Forget

No matter what kind of abuse, betrayal, heartache, or pain you’ve endured, God can use it for good. Joseph went from a pit to the palace. He forgave and forgot. He realized in the end certain things needed to happen in order for him to be the great and powerful man he became.

The Apostle Paul, who wrote half of the New Testament, was consistently beaten, thrown in prison, suffered a lot of pain, betrayal, and rejection from people. The Apostle Paul wrote: “^“…dear brothers and sisters,…I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,” Philippians 3:13 (NLT)

God requires people to forgive if we want to be forgiven by Him. No one is perfect and everyone needs forgiveness at some point. Forgiving yourself for anything you may have done, or neglected to do, is also extremely important. Thank God that He has created the RAS system in our brains that will allow us to forget anything we don’t want to remember.

My questions for you are: Is there anyone you need to forgive and forget for the trauma you experienced? Is it that you believe you can’t forgive and forget, or you just refuse to? Pray and trust God. He will give you the wisdom and strength you need to accomplish His purpose for your life. It is not impossible.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON ISSUES OF FORGIVING OR NOT FORGIVING, WHY?

Be an Overcomer by Building Spiritual Muscle

by Cynthia Cummings Walker

One day my young son came home from school and went straight to the basement instead of going into the kitchen for an after-school snack. I wondered what he was going downstairs to do since that wasn’t something he normally did.

When I descended the stairs, I saw my son lifting weights. I asked him what prompted him to start working out with weights. My son said that a boy in school told him that he was going to beat him up the next day so my son was getting prepared for a fight. I told my son that I understood what he was trying to do. However, muscles are not built overnight.

I took the time to pray with my child right then. We prayed that the Lord would change the bully’s mind about whatever made him want to intimidate or assault my child. We prayed for all bullies who would seek to hurt other children emotionally or physically. When my son came home from school the next day, he was happy to report that the bully did not confront him. Prayer answered.

I typically used normal, everyday circumstances to teach my sons biblical truth. So, lifting weights the night before a potential fight was a perfect illustration for a spiritual lesson. There is no overnight fitness miracle, physically or spiritually.

Life for everyone has all kinds of challenges and difficulties. We never know what a day will bring. Accidents, sickness, death, health catastrophes, and more. A day can start off perfectly normal, then without warning, disaster can strike. Christians should be spiritually prepared by exercising and building their spiritual muscles so they will have strength to overcome.

How to Be Spiritually Fit

Building spiritual muscle comes through cultivating a close and personal relationship with the Lord. This happens through spending time with Him daily by reading and meditating on His Word, the Bible, and praying.

As in any relationship this should be a two-way communication, God speaks through His Word, and Christians respond to Him in prayer. Obedience to what God reveals is the third element. These exercises increase faith and trust, build spiritual muscle and brings success in any situation.

Joshua 1:8 (NIV) “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

As with physical exercise, muscles are not built overnight. Building spiritual strength is a gradual process. When Christian’s begin to see who God is as He reveals Himself through His Word, we can better understand how He works in our lives. We believe Him. We trust Him. We grow spiritually.

Spiritually mature Christians can see life’s trials and tribulations the way God sees them. From a human perspective, pain is bad and undesirable. Through scripture, we know that the Lord uses suffering to strengthen, perfect and mature the Christian. Spiritual muscles can lift and hold the weight of trials that could otherwise crush us.

James 1:2–5 (NIV) “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.

1 Peter 5:10 (NASB) “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”

Trials Reveal Level of Spiritual Fitness

If a person who eats healthy food, drinks plenty of water and has a comprehensive exercise routine were asked to run a mile, they could probably do it without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, if a person is basically a couch potato and was asked to do the same thing, perhaps they couldn’t run down the block.

The person who is physically fit is that way because of the work they put into being fit. Being spiritually fit comes with doing those things that causes spiritual growth, fitness and muscle building. When trials come into a Christian’s life, how they deal with them depends on their spiritual fitness. They either have strength for the battle, or they crumble under the weight of a problem.

There is a biblical story in the book of Job 1:13-19 where Job, a righteous man, got devastating news one day that his 10 children were killed, his servants were killed, and all his possessions were gone.

How did Job respond to this tragic and devastating news? He immediately worshipped God. “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:20-22 (NASB)

Job living a life of obedience and devotion to the Lord had built up so much spiritual muscle that he could look beyond his circumstances, to Almighty God who is worthy of praise regardless of the situation. His faith in God unwavering.

There was a period of extreme suffering in my life when I initially thought I was strong. Proverbs 24:10 (NKJV) “If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.” I soon realized I was weak.

I knew the Bible like the back of my hand, yet when the tsunami of pain hit, it was as though I didn’t know the Lord at all. I couldn’t see beyond my circumstances. I didn’t ask God for wisdom on how to get through it. I just wanted to know why. I wanted it to be over.

Through a series of events the Lord showed me that I had a lot of head knowledge, yet when a time of testing came, I failed. I knew the Word yet relied more on the knowledge of the scriptures than the One who spoke the Word. Lesson learned.

Building Spiritual Muscle Is for Our Good and God’s Glory

As I matured spiritually, focusing on my personal, intimate relationship with the Lord rather than simply knowledge of Him, my life was transformed. Because my spiritual muscles were being exercised daily, I was able to praise God immediately when faced with a serious health crisis.

One day I was feeling intense pain and had to go to the hospital. Some tests were run. A physician gave me the results. I had cancer. A person never knows how they will react to news like this until it happens.

The first thing that came to my mind when those words left his lips was: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 (NASB) I was in a Win-Win situation.

If I lived I would continue to serve the Lord with my whole heart. If I died, I would go to be with Him. My immediate response showed me how much I had grown spiritually. I was so grateful that my trust in the Lord had magnified. All through my surgery and months of chemotherapy I was at peace, acknowledging that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

When a Christian faces a devastating situation in life, being spiritually prepared will bring optimum results through spiritual muscle and power. Many people exercise daily for good health and vitality. Spiritual strength benefits not only the Christian, but the people they pray for, witness to, comfort and encourage.

So many people told me that they were astonished at the way I went through my trial with unwavering faith in the Lord. Whether I lived or died, I could say that it was well with my soul. When we have spiritual muscles that bring victory in the face of possible defeat, not just us, but everyone around us benefits from a Christian’s life that glorifies God in good times, and bad.

In Conclusion

God loves you no matter where you are spiritually. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are given spiritual power to be overcomers. How much of that spiritual power we can expend depends on whether we spiritually exercise to build spiritual muscles.

Are you exercising your spiritual muscles daily? If not, today is a good day to start. Be blessed!