Tag: Grieving loss

Cynthia Cummings Walker. Lifeandbibleblog.com

Mother’s Day was designed to be a happy day to celebrate mothers with cards, flowers, dining out, phone calls and texts. So, why would Mother’s Day bring so much grief to some. It’s simplistic and it’s complicated.

When my daughter passed away I didn’t think I could ever celebrate another holiday again, especially not Mother’s Day. The thought of it was heart wrenching. I was not supposed to outlive my child. After all, isn’t that supposed to be the natural cycle of life? Yet, not for me, nor for many of you.

Grief and loss filled the space which once brought such joy and happiness to me.

I struggled. I tried to appear cheerful as my sons celebrated me as their mother. As time passed, I realized I didn’t have to pretend to be ecstatic over all of the cards and gifts. It didn’t have to be gloom and doom either.

I searched for ways that would help me have a balanced approach to celebrations. I learned that laughing and having fun was not disrespectful to the memory of my daughter. When I felt like shedding a tear, there was no need to apologize for that either. It is all bittersweet since my beloved Rachel passed away.

Many Situations Can Cause a Person to Hurt on Mother’s Day.

A mother or child has passed away.

A mother may still be alive, yet dementia has robbed her of any meaningful contact or memory. A daughter lost her mother long before her mother passed away. It was a slow, aching grief that did not culminate when her mom breathed her last breath. The grief process continues.

A woman who longed to be a mother, yet was never able to conceive or adopt grieves the loss of what never was. Wanting to be a mother and being denied the opportunity is devastating while so many other women’s motherhood is celebrated.

Sometimes the grief comes because of the loss of a loved one who was a mother figure. Genetics does not equal family. Sometimes a non-relative can be closer than any blood relative.

A person may be estranged from their mother, or child, for many reasons. However, that reality does not take away the pain of not having a relationship, and being able to celebrate a natural bond that has been broken.

Have any of these situations, or others, cause you to feel hurt on Mother’s Day?

8 Things that Can Be Done When Mother’s Day Hurts

There are no pat answers about what to do, or not do when Mother’s Day brings pain. I’ve learned not to focus on what I’ve lost. Rather plan and make the best of what remains.  The following are ideas.

1. Look at photographs or other memorabilia depicting happier times that can bring a laugh, or comfort you.
2. If your mother or child has passed away, shed tears if you must, don’t feel guilty or think you have to be strong for others in order to not rain on their parade.
3. Get together with people who understand what you are going through and will support you.
4. Create traditions that will distract from the specific celebration of the day.
5. Don’t trust everything depicted on social media as though everyone, except you, are thoroughly enjoying the day.
6. Try to focus on what you do have versus concentrating on what is missing in your life.
7. Try not to take the failings of others personally on Mother’s Day.  Sometimes people’s actions are not necessarily about you.  It could be about what they are dealing with that has nothing to do with you. 
8. Try different things to see what works for you. When you do, perhaps you can pass ideas along that can help others to have a more pleasant Mother’s Day.